Griffin

GRIFFIN ~ strong in faith

Griffin can actually be considered a childhood friend. We went to primary school together until he moved away at one point. And then he returned several years later and I was 16 when my journey with Griffin's wisdom began.

Griffin came back quiet, more than the old him. Some people thought he was shy, some thought he was being a stand-off and others just thought he forgot his native tongue. But that's just the way he is. Silent on the outside, heavy on the inside.

When Griffin came back he changed me in ways I never imagined. He helped me be better, spiritually. He helped me gave up most of the bad and take up most of the good. Griffin reminded me of the sense of purpose. And he taught me to be more open. 

Griffin showed me the the pros and cons of adapting. That it can be liberating and suffocating at the same time. He showed me that intelligence is a noise. That you don't need to utter words for the right people to hear you. That you can make a bold statement by doing nothing. That confidence can be quiet. That happiness can be quiet. That pain can be quiet.

Griffin taught me that distance can test you. But it could also be next to nothing if you have strength and love and faith. Griffin taught me to be nicer. Even when I think I'm already being nice. He taught me that experience can change you. That travelling is an asset. And that anime is global. And that people are global. And that I can be global, without needing too much money. 

Griffin also taught me that my own feelings can deceive me. And that I need to be careful, and I need to be firm. I will next time. 

But one lesson that stood out the most is that silence is deceptive. Silence is confusing. Silence is deafening. Silence is a defence mechanism, as well as it is a trait. A form of art, painted out of either contentment or rage or pain or settlement. Silence can be peaceful but it can also drive you nuts. Silence can define someone. Whether he likes it or not.

Griffin, just like Zachary, is a part of who I am today. And this is my tribute to him.

Thank you, Griffin.

Zachary

ZACHARY ~ leader

I first met Zachary when I was 13. 

Zachary as his name, was the leader of every and any pack that was. It came naturally to him, that sort of guardianship and leadership that drew others quite easily. 

I am not exactly sure how I became friends with him but I did, and I have never regretted it.

Zachary showed me that I can be funny and awesome. Zachary showed me that I am subtly interesting. At least, for a short amount of time. He taught me that laughter is really the best way to mask your troubles. He taught me that loud can be silent, and that you'll only realize this if you shift your perspective just right. 

Zachary taught me that people can get hurt just by watching others get hurt. He showed me that sometimes sacrifices are worth it, even if you were forced to do it in the beginning. Zachary showed me that the world is out there, and that you see things way differently if you can push yourself to step outside your comfort zone. He showed me how to go places with my mind, and experience with my heart.

Zachary taught me how to swear, though now I have stopped. He taught me that it's okay to know things even if they are bad. Because it's what you do with the knowledge that makes it good or bad. Zachary sparked my thirst for more. More info, more exposure, more. Without feeling afraid.

Zachary also taught me that time is relative. That things are not necessarily determined, even if you've invested three years into it. That disappointments can make the best teachers. That sometimes you don't even know why, but you let go on your own eventually. And you truly accept the fact that it is for the better, even if you still do wonder 'what if' from time to time, you just know it's better that way.

Zachary taught me a lot of things. But the most important of all is that he helped me see how much room I have to grow into. To expand. To broaden. To reach and fulfil. To be so much more. More than I expected. 

Zachary is a part of who I am today. And this is my tribute to him.

Thank you, Zachary.

Semester Break!

Hey Assalamualaikum... it's meee...

Haven't written anything in a while, sorry.
I guess I got caught up with school. Forgive my longer-than-intended absence.
But I'm here now cause it's my first ever semester break, wooooot wooooot...
I have to say though, it doesn't feel any different than regular school breaks. I'm already a week into it and I am incredibly just tremendously bored outta ma mind, ain't even exaggerating.

Anyway, enough about school.
May I just dive straight into what has kinda been on and off my mind lately?
The fact that I only have about a month left of being 18 and my initial plan of making 18 an adventurous year both outwardly and inwardly (what? what even? blugh my sentence) has not yet been executed.
And sadly it seems like that plan will never be executed, much to my dismay.

But then again I have nobody to blame but myself.
SO! I guess 18 will just have to suck it up and be plain and average just like all the other ages I've lived through.

Mehhhh.... I dunno what else to write about.

I'm turning 19 in a month and a half and it doesn't feel righttttt....

Holy crab, (intended) 19 is like my last official teen age, HOLY COW holy cow I just realized that, I just freakin realized that.

Guys.
Guys.
Help me, guys.

Help me make 19 spectacular.


The one in dire need of your wisdom and ideas,
crust.

Definitely not as easy as ABC.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I'm less than 16 hours away from my final exam. It is the paper that I hate the most, RKA.
Dont get me wrong, I love the subject but the thought on testing my whole knowledge and understanding on some several questions, that turned me off. I'm so scared and nervous right now.


Anyway, thats not why I write.

Today, I'd like to write about Acceptance.

As I embarked (had to google translate that word LOL) my journey on college, I found that it was hard for me to cope with every thing. I also felt like every decision I made and every action I took was wrong and I felt so miserable. I couldnt adapt to the new surrounding as smooth as I hope. So I yet again, took another wrong action, which was I became dependent on you guys. Remember I used to text you alot, called you a few times compared to now, I used to rant a lot and whatsoever, it is because I now realized, I depend on the wrong person.

I shouldve turn to Him instead. I shouldve seek for Allah. But I was wrong. I was dumb. Not to say that I'm not now, but I hope my dumbness has lessened :D hahaha. But really. I'm sorry I bother you too much. No doubt Ive made you feel uncomfortable and irritated and also annoyed a few times bcs of my endless selfies (that one, I dont know if I'd be able to stop, soon alright? Baby steps plis hehe) so I'd like to apologize for that. I'm sorry. I shouldve known better that theres a fine line between best friend and psychologist. Lol. So yeah. And yes, I hope you guys are doing okay too. I mean, much more excellent than me right now. Haha.

Another one would be, I've now realized that everyone of us has changed, and yes while changes are nothing to be worried about as it is normal but it can be a bit troublesome if we failed to see eye to eye anymore. Taking me as example, I now realized that I just wanted to start afresh and not looking back at the past. I used to run away from my problems, walking away from people's lives when Ive had enough, but that, that is so wrong at so many levels. I dont want to be that person anymore. I dont want to be self-centered anymore. I dont want to be snappy anymore. I dont want to be selfish anymore. I dont want to be who I was anymore. I want to be for the better. Most importantly, I dont want to be that person who took granted of her beloved person anymore. I dont want her.

Thus. I hope the me you're meeting next time is a better version of me. Im really hoping on that. Wallahi I love you. Lillahita'ala insya-Allah. Pray for my wealth of health and knowledge will ya? Thanks x

Assalamualaikum.

Love, book

A long story short

Okay so, i wanted to post a very exciting news about me a few days ago, like from early last week. However, it seems that all my procrastination has left me with a pile of assignments that is due in 48 hours. Hence, the post was never type into any device and didn't make it to the blog.

Although, now, i believe that Allah really had planned everything cause I am glad that I didn't post it.

Okay. there is lots to talk about and I will blabber all I can here. I do realise that the video of Harry has not been posted and the other video had some problem occasionally as well. Meh. sorry guys. I'll just show u guys on October.

Ah, there is another important news I need to tell u guys. Unfortunately, I have to say that there is a possibility that I won't be traveling back to Malaysia once I finish my foundation. My parents are planning to come over to Australia and visit me instead. Sorry about that. I have to say that no matter what, I believe that the gathering should continue as planned even without me. Just go. Even though the glue is not there but the bond between u guys is still as strong as before right? As for the annual events we do, just proceed. Talk about that later in detail.

Okay next one. I had a presentation which I did last minute (like seriously, a few hours are not enough lesson learnt =_=) So I freak that one up. so idk. my parents are not satisfied from what I got for my mid semester report. Can't get my brain in tune this semester. Horrible.

Ah, about the exciting post. hm.. (to the person in BNE please keep it and don't tell anyone kay. I trust u. okayy????? so yeah please.) well, (still not sure about posting this but whatthefreak right. I believe in u guys) I realise that i like someone. like seriously guys this is like on the same level as the 7 year old dude =____= so i was kinda excited about that but then I know that that person likes someone else though. well idk. His answer was freaking vague man. idk. told someone my friends here but then they were saying that no, this person has a probability of reciprocating the feeling so dont give up plus I think that he kinda likes u. Dear friends, please Ya Allah. I really don't want what it to happen like the 7 years old guys again man. Freaking hell why wont u just freaking tell whether u like her or not.  Any way, idk what to do. I am currently running way from him. if he is in the com lab, I will for sure to go to the other one.

okay enough about that. yesterday was a wonderful day and I really wished it never stopped. It was one of the mentor's early celebration. went to skyzone trampoline. It was totally awesome! want to stay longer and try different tricks but sokay. thanks for the experience :) oh i sprained my ankle btw ahahahahahahah the first time i use the trampoline, I didnt realise that it was that bouncy. so, we went to the first section and i jump for a while to get use to the feeling of it. Then when I was gonna try a trick, I had a bad landing. I heard it click ahahhhaha. It burn like hell man at that time. so, it took a while for the pain to subside but i just kept playing hahahhhahahahahha. so stubborn. know ur limit man but i had no regrets. case after like a few sec rest, I started to jump again and i think that helped me to get use to the pain. after the first one, we went on to play a basketball and dodge ball. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE this place man. then we went off to go bowl and watch movie later. wish i could tell u guys but what happens that time stays at that time.  I want o do it againnnnn pleaseeee

tell u guys in detail when ever i can:)

xoxo cookie

I'm scared.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum.

Things has been intense this last few weeks. Ever since I started using my SPlanner (an organizer apps) religiously, I can see that in every week I have a deadline and events to catch on to. And to tell you the truth, it's getting harder to catch up. So far, I've been lucky. Alhamdulillah.

So how are you people? Mentally? Physically?
I'm fine on both alhamdulillah, tho they're both are a bit tired hahaha. I experienced a bit of sneezing and coughing yesterday which made me feel like I caught a fever, but alhamdulillah I'm not experiencing anything severe for today. Just that, my hands cannot stop shaking from last Sunday. My right hand especially. Still figuring it out what's the cause of it. Pray for my health please, thank you. I'll make du'a for you too. Huhu.

Well on the mental side, I just figured out that I'm having a depression. Maybe because of my learning stage (I am unfortunately a beginner, still) on managing my time and being disciplined and punctual, things like that. Haha. Takpelah, better belajar sekarang daripada time kerja nanti. Lol

Hahaha. I just noticed from the beginning of my writing all I talk is about me. Sorry I bored you. Well um. I dont really have anything to write, but God knows I have a lot to talk about.

I am now experiencing a major financial problem; I just cant stop spending money on food. So bad and so fat. Help me. I dont want to waste my money away JUST on food. I could've actually saved up and treat my family or go to a vacation instead. But I just cant stop spending. Gosh.

Okay one thing I noticed, whenever I typed it makes my hand feels a lot better since I cant feel its shaking but I do feel that its movement is more rapid than ever like my hand is as light as a feather lol not really like a feather but yeah lighter than usual. Oh my God. Is this normal? I'm so scared.

Love, book

A change of tune

okay guys. I think that this blog is getting more and more emotional. Let's change the channel for a while and see the upsides of what has been happening lately.

My friend's birthday was on the 23th August XXXX and I had decided to make a little surprise for her at home when she wakes up. So, I designed a birthday card for her, blew some balloons up and scattered post it notes around the house (show u some of the notes).

Yeah.... she didn't expect it at all cause she thought it would be a normal "hey happy birthday" day for her  buttttttt when she opened the door she was so surprised. She got  the birthday card that I asked everyone to sign, saw the post it notes which made her smiled and a big brunch with all the homestay family. She had high tea and a night celebration on her XXth birthday that day too.

Other than that, been spoiling and hanging around Harry these past few days. He's soooo cutteeee. Just look at ittt *cuteness overloadddd*

*vid here, removed as it couldn't load anymore*

*sigh* well since the video is taking like a million years to upload, I'll just upload one but heck,  can still see how cute this furball is!

Oh yeah, I also went to this annual event/festival thing they held each year here called EKKA. That was awesome. We eat ice cream (craving for some now), got onto several rides and chill on the grass while talking. It was a day I wished never end :) 

Didn't take a lot of food pictures cause I obviously went there for all the adrenaline rides. Ah, talking about the rides, some of it was suppppperrrrrrr expensive. Like wahlao. want to take all my money man. (heh. talk so much but in the end went to several rides anyway #gonnabebrokeforawhile) Oh, but the strawberry ice cream was to die forrrrrrrr love it so much <3 Here a bonus vid from one of the rides :)

*vid here, removed as it couldn't load anymore*

ohhhhh yeahhhhhhhh adranaline rushhhh. Now i remember! I went to movie world the other day. THAT. WAS. AWESOME. We should all go and hog all the seats of the rides. That would be funny ahahaahahaha. It was superb amazeballs guys. Thankfully we manage to go on all the rides (well technically cause some of them was closed so we can't ride those). The Asylum one was crazy! That was ,hands down, the winner of that day. After that, we went on and had a sleepover at the family's house. That was crazy awesome too. Foods, games and loadssss of interesting stuff happen *smirks* Wish I could say what happens but like us, everything that happens behind doors, stays behind doors :) The morning after, went and have breakfast (Vietnam noodle ssooooo goooddd :9 ) then off to EKKA

What else? I guess the rest have been filled with hanging out with several different people and trying to get my studies back on track. Oh, I went and had lunch with some of my friends and had an amazing thai food. omg. food here so good (except nasi lemak) no wonder I gained weight so fast here hahahahhahahahahaha next time we are planning to go to a korean restaurant. supperrr excited for that <3 

hmmm yup good times. Wish you guys are here. It would be awesome to have all of us here. We can rent apartments to stay in or if u guys are studying here too, a house (just squish everyone in hahahahahahha). but, nvm. october. I'll be back and u guys will be back (most of u i guess cause some of u will be having exams at that time). So we can hang. till then, stay strong, keep that smile and walk like you don't care. 

xoxo

Cookie

"The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased. It can only be accepted."

In reply to the previous post,

 

 Love, book

Back.

*exhale slowly*

It has been about 4-5 months since I been gone. A lot of things happens and a lot of things don't. I manage to realise that my eyes we blurred so bad until I crumbled into a million pieces. I was beating myself up till I manage to convince myself that I deserve it even though I don't. 

I don't know how to express myself and no one can make me talk like how u guys do.

Okay. No more sad story no more beating myself up.

Main point here:

• I was too hard on myself. 
• I were many opportunity for me to do better but I was stupid enough to let it go. 
• I realise that all that now and I'm not gonna stay there lying on the ground beating myself up. 
• Cookie is back and planning stay.

Kkay. Stay tuned.

How long do I have to do this again?

Aku ambik alih tugas lap habuk jap.

Jadi kita semua setuju taip dalam bahasa kan, biar kawan cookie tak tahu nak baca muahahha. Walaupun book tau benda ni tak tahan lama, tapi takpe, usaha tu penting.

Wow rasa pelik gila taip dalam bahasa. Serius. Rasa macam biadap gila sebab bila nak taip menggunakan bahasa sinis rasa macam orang jahat sangat hahahahha.

Takde benda pun nak taip sebenarnya. Rindu nak baca korang tulis sesuatu kat blog ni, tu je. Oh booty tk tulis apa apa pun, dah lama dah hm. Apa apa pun, book memang tertunggu tunggu bulan 10. Semoga Allah permudahkan, aaminnn. Haih. Rindu semua xx

Love, book

sorry

As for now ID cookie is resigning.

#blabbers

Marriage.

As I grew older, and moreover now studying at a place where early marriage is a thing where all the girls excited to talk to, well, most of them, you can feel the vibe of competition slightly in the air.

It's like,

"Oh, you're still single? Never mind, your time will come."

"Wait what, you're considering getting married at the age of 26?? That's like, too old."

"Ah it's nothing serious, he's just, a boyfriend-- but who knows, I mean, if Allah destined us for a marriage then alhamdulillah. Haha."






WHAT HAPPENS TO GIRL POWER? I mean, gosh. For your information, I am the Head of Dakwah and Training of my mahallah (hostel), so as the Head I need to organize a few events. Since I'm in the D&T bureau, naturally I'd want to do a religious talk.



BUT NEVER HAVE I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE ABOUT LOVE. AS IN MARRIAGE.

What why?? What happened to our generation nowadays? When I tried to suggest about other topics, they said that it's boring enough and they're afraid that NO ONE WILL COME. JUST  BECAUSE IT IS NOT ABOUT MARRIAGE. PRECISELY, EARLY MARRIAGE.


God, what happened?? Seriously though. I am so ashamed to be recognized as that one girl who's from that one generation who only knows about relationship stuff and spouse thingy and have no single clue nor idea about the big issues going on in this world.


Probably I'm exaggerating, but it's true. U have to admit it, if not just look around you, how many of them would be interested to join your discussion if you're talking about hows your marriage reception is going to be like and whats the most important thing to find in a husband or wife and how many kids are possible for you to have in the future before Qiamat.

Ha.

Then compare to the number of people who'd join you if you suddenly wanna talk about the case of Rohingya's status refugee in Malaysia and how is that even possible since Malaysia's economy is going downwards lately or maybe about Mesir and its never ending political issues, whether the religion is truly the problem or the politicians are the ones who are messing it all up.

I'm so sad. It feels like we are never going to be treated seriously if we only showed ALOT OF interest in simple and lay-back issue than the serious and factual ones.



I'm not saying that there's nowhere in me that adores marriage, are u crazy?? Its sunnah. Of course I'd want to get married, one day. Not now. Nowhere near now insya-Allah if its within my power. I dont want to use the excuse of me being a wife at the early age (IF I GET MARRIED AT A YOUNG AGE LIKE 21) to cover up my lack of knowledge of the news and the world.

Ok. Had a lot of time to rant apparently (padahal tak start buat assignment lagi kuang kuang kuang), signing off for my next class!

Love, book

hah.

That was cheating,life. Totally unfair.

Undefined

HelloHello

Good morning, good afternoon, good night.

Anyone, from which ever time zone you are , from which ever period of time you are, I hope that you can hear this whisper cause i'm getting tired of calling out with a broken larynx.

The hope that used to radiate with confidence is slowly fading in a distance.

How magnificent  and how complex can the human being get?
Desperately pumping blood through it system in order to stay alive. Did u know that the heart pulses about a hundred thousand times a day? So, about thirty six million times a year?  I wonder, just what are we fighting for , every day, every hour, every second? Why are we trying so hard to stay alive?

Honestly, I don't even know why i'm writing this. Why i'm feeling this. It's weird how a person could feel so much but at the same time, it feels so void.

it kinda feels like life is a penumbra ne~~? Something so ambiguous, something so complex and something so close to the light and the dark but belongs to none of them. An Outlier wedge between the defined.

Honestly, i'm typing anything that is in my mind right now. It might make sense but it may not as well. hah, I don't know guys. I'm trying to figure this out too. I don't understand it either but somehow, maybe by writing this out, the bug that is crawling in my head will go away or at least come out and give me a proper understanding of why it's there.

love,
xoxo cookie.

p/s: this personality will go away now. Sorry, just for a period of time, this personality managed to escape the cage. Bye

2016 in 5 months more.

Wishing a blissful eid wherever you are girls, I hope that this Ramadhan has been good to each of us insya-Allah. Keep on updating alright, be good, behaved!

Love, book

Alhamdulillah, finally! Computer number 4 you are now my best buddy!!

 

basically me: every single day.

Life in university, once u enrolled in one, u'll know how tough it can be sometimes. there are lots of ups and downs fortunately (or unfortunately) but yeah like in high school u'll learn how to enjoy it. and I'm still learning. I hope I'll get the feel. Pray for me girls, I'm counting on it xx

Love, book

Sunday Blues

I just...

I can't even find another way to explain my life right now.

Like, literally.

I'm Bradley Cooper and this is my life right now.

I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight, a lot of stuff are due tomorrow.

If you are in a group project, please communicate, and cooperate. Let's help each other get some sleep, alright?

Just a friendly reminder.

But hey, I love you guys, I miss you, I'm just a tiny bit frustrated, I know you guys are prolly in the same situation, homies stick togethah tho, peace out.

                                                                                                                                        ~crust~

A quick (?) snapshot of time

Assalamualaikum
(Peace be upon you)

Hmm.. where shall I start? There are too many moments, too many unspoken words, too many emotions that is emerging within me as I think about what to share with you guys at this moment. We have been out of reach for so long that just thinking about how we first met makes it hard for my tears to remain inside the borders of my lower waterline. Hah. Grey hair *smirk*

So, it has been FOUR months since I left Malaysia.

All of you guys were upset that I didn't go back during my last semester break in June and started to ambush me with the never ending questions of whys. Sorry for the false alarm guys. I had originally thought about  going back. Seriously. I had discussed about it with my parents, called the air flight, and made plans with everyone (which now,  when i look back, I realise how pack it was, lol). However, in the process of finalising the flight, I came across a program via my friends and welfare officer: The Mentor Program and hence, after thinking over it, I decided to fill up the mentor application form and cancelled the flight.

The mentor program was one in a million. Even though I missed you guys like crazy, there was never a sense of doubt or regret of joining the program. I love every second of it. The mentors came from various different countries, backgrounds and cultures but somehow there is this bond created between us. It was interesting to meet everyone and spending time with them was so precious, it would be one those stories I will retell when we grow old. I'm quiet and might be a tad bit timid around people I don't usually talk to but I love being with people :) People who I'm close and comfortable with knows how random and crazy I can get right? *grins at you ppl*  Anyway, I wish I can pack these guys and bring them back to Malaysia. So, I can take them around Malaysia and introduce them to you guys.

I don't know if I should continue haahahahahhahah. still have a lot to tell  you guys.

kkay. I'll make this short and crisp. Good luck to you people who is having your exams now. Good luck with all your presentations, further maths, driving licence, works and getting you braces soon! I already gave u guys enough pep talks these few days so, no pep talk in this post ahahhahahaha. next time.

What else? Hmmm.. oh yes. The amounts of gifts, souvenirs and unpost mails had recently accumulating at an accelerating rate. HELP MEH. THERE IS NO MORE SPACE GUYS. *sobs* when I come back on October, I think my bags will be full of other peoples stuff I bought for them instead of my own personal belongings. *sighs* Love you guys too much la,

To close this, My recent w.i.p art and random pics

Still needs fixing and honestly saying, idk what and how is it going to turn out. just going with the flow here. 

I really like the view from the flight <3

It getting colder and colder here. Winter is coming and mists would often visit us in the morning :)

Last, but not least, the Ocean. Absolutely adore it. Regretting the decision of not bringing any spare clothes so that I could be in the water. The cold never bothered me anyway ;)

Love you guys to bits and pieces. Need to rest for tmr.
xoxo, Cookie.

Millennia Mail

                                   


Random thought while I'm getting my homework done, (still not done long way to go):

Our memories, the ones we already made or the ones we're making right now, are like letters to our future selves.

-GASPPPP-

Yeah, I'm pretty sure a lot of people have already realized this but I'm bored so humour me. Haha look at me tryinna distract myself from my priorities. Old habits die hard, as they say.

But imagine if all our memories, maybe not all but the ones that are distinctive, the special ones, imagine them as little pieces of paper folded repeatedly into the tiniest squares and then being singularly packaged, like all wrapped up in pretty wrapping paper that would go vintage when we were to open them again one day.

When we're older and the packages unwrap themselves, maybe that's when you get that nostalgia tingling on the tips of your thoughts.

Sad memory, happy memory, whichever so, I think it's pretty cool how time works.

Our memories are the letters and time is our postman.

So what kind of letters do you think our future selves are expecting to receive?



                                                                                                                                               ~crust~

EH GERAM PULAK AKU KOMPUTER NOMBOR 6 PUN TAK BOLEH NAK TULIS APA APA EHHHH KAU DAH KENAPA EIIIIIIIII SABAR JE LA #sistabah -love,book

OMG THIS IS SO UNFAIR I KENOT BLOG ANYTHING USING THIS FREAKIN COMPUTER IM NEVER GONNA CHOOSE U AGAIN COMPUTER NUMBER 1 I HATE YOUUUUUUUUU -love, book

Mr. Mason

                                               


A small dainty jar named Mason.

At the back of my dark little cupboard.

With tiny little fishies swimming inside,

each one with a secret in its belly.

All little fishies swimming together,

over here over there just plain all over.

Secrets getting switched and turned and traded,

when all little fishies huddle together.

Small little fishies, small little secrets.

Big fishies however, too big for my Mason.

Too big for my cupboard, too big for my words.

When hurt comes visit, one fishy comes in.

When joy taps and knocks, so does another.

When I can't make sense, more fishies come in,

they keep coming in,

but probably never out.

How many fishies are there in my Mason?

How many more,

 is that a question?

Here's a question;

how many are there in yours?

Alhamdulillah for another year to come!

 

Life is like a set of mysterious stairs.

You just keep on climbing it, without seeing its end.

You hold onto its rail- trusting where it'll bring you.

Sometimes you feel like giving up, not wanting to continue climbing it.

Sometimes you'll feel like you've had enough of the mystery, silently tilting your head upwards, trying to see what's there- in the end.

But each time you failed. Because the stairs won't let you peek.

It says, "hard work forever pays, be patience, me love."

So every time, you hold onto those words- and its rail.

Because you believe, that eventually, it'll all pays in the end.

It'll be worth it.

You will see what's there- in the end.

But as for now, you just have to keep climbing.

With trust and patience, you'll make it.

God knows I know, you'll make it.

Love, Book

Noiseless

Rare personalities...

I guess you could say that rare is every personality that ever was or is.

But there are some that just intrigue... more than usual. More than the others.

They could attract a mass of people, 

or a handful few,

or just a couple.

But their magnet locks, sometimes with others sometimes with you.

And you can't help but get drawn into curiosity. The kind that could easily get intense.

These personalities, they could be loud, inviting, transparent...

but then there are the quiet ones. That sometimes appeal even more.

A quiet attraction. Subtle. Mysterious. Not opaque, but rather translucent. They may reveal, but you still feel like they're hiding.

And it bugs you.

It knocks on your head.

It taps on your wrist.

You don't shake it off easily.

And you wonder how. How they could pull on your strings, when you don't even realize you had strings.

Fascinating. This group of people. Who don't even try.

Fascinating.

Wanna Code?

                                        

Lately I've been quite interested in coding.
I have absolutely no idea on how to code, or even any basic knowledge of it but from what I've read, it's a pretty useful language to learn.
Mainly because technology is everywhere and we use computers for almost everything, so I can understand how it can be of a leverage, you know. Knowing how to code in this era.
Maybe because our country is still developing so we don't really put any emphasis on this type of science so I have decided to do a little something for myself and learn how to code.
It might get boring, I might feel like giving up in the middle of the way (I'm not really into technology, I am a thousand miles away from being tech-savvy) but I think that it's a pretty cool thing to learn.
I'll just think of it as another language. Like Japanese, or French, or Arabic, we just have to give it a shot sometimes and just go for it if we really want to try.
Sooo.... anybody up to join me?
I looked for free tutorials and I heard Code Academy is really good. I might sign up tomorrow.
Looking forward to see if I have what it takes to learn code.
They all say you don't have to be a genius to do it, you just gotta know your basic math.
So they say.
Okay then, here goes nothing.

Sky Poking

                      

By any chance,
are you one of those people who tilt your head back but not to check if it was raining?

By any chance,
are you one of those people who look up at the space above us that some people call the sky, and others call canvas, and see things you never expect to see?

By any chance,
are you one of those people who observe and make out shapes out of clouds or birds, or dust of stars? Not to fill your boredom, but because you want to?

By any chance,
are you one of those people, who only need a moment or glance, to see a millennia into the past or the future, among the vast open space above your noggin?

By any chance,
are you one of those people who feel a connection through your being and existence, when you see the colours gradually changing in the place where the stars and the clouds live?

By any chance,
could it be that you and I share an indescribable pleasure in the luxury of sky-watching?

By any chance at all,
could it be that you are one of those people?

Because I think, it just might be, that you are.
And probably, I am too.

Wazzap ma peepols

Okay, I noticed that nobody wrote anything for the past few weeks. Why. Too busy ah? 
Haha, we all knew this day would come.
And it has.
So there.
Anyhow, I'm writing just to keep the blog alive. Not exactly sure what to write about though. Since we're all doing our tertiary studies I don't exactly want to add to the mountain of academic pressure so let's choose a more relaxed topic.

Ramadhan? I think it's a pretty relevant topic right now, let's go with that.

So ramadhan this year is... well a few things.

Numero uno, this year's ramadhan is very, very hot. I guess you could call it a blessing because the more hardship we go through the more we get rewarded, In Sha Allah :) But alhamdulillah, things are not as tough as what's going on in Karachi. (make dua for em)

Numero dos, two of us are spending most of our ramadhan away from the comfort of our sweet little bear cave called home. To book and cookie, I hope you guys treasure this year's ramadhan and all its memories. Scratch that, I hope we all do the same. At home, near home, not home at all, nevertheless we are all going through different experiences. Good or bad, come what may, we're just gonna have to endure it all anyway so make the best of it!

Numero tres, I have no idea why, but I personally feel like this year's ramadhan is ... scary. I don't know, maybe I started this holy month on the wrong foot, or I have done things, or I'm just I dunnoooo but whatever it is, I'm scared I might miss the opportunity of experiencing and making total use of a truly blessed month. I remember missing ramadhan SO MUCH last year and I was just waiting for it to come and visit again and now that it's here, the hype doesn't feel the same. I NEED TO WORK ON MY IMAN. So much work. Let's all take a lesson from me. Our iman needs constant feeding and improvement. Don't take it for granted, no mater how little you think you have left in you.

Numero quantro, (haha okay, counting in spanish is safe for me so far, i can only count up to 6 to be frank)...umm.... I dunno, guys. I miss you? Everybody's here and there and doing this stuff and doing that stuff and people are living their own lives which is totally awesome but yeah I can't help feeling lonely at times, we all do. Is that part of growing up? It kinda sucks a little. But I know you guys are okay so farrrr.....And I can also sense that we're gonna be okay. A little messed up here and there, bits and pieces scattered around but we'll end up okay. In Sha Allah.

Kay, that's all.
Bye.

P.S. I might start writing a lot cuz i really need to practise my english so heads up. Sorry.

Bye. For real.
                                                                                                                            - crust -

La tahzan, innallaha ma'ana.

Hi assalamualaikum uguys.

Sucks isnt it not being able to see each other on daily basis? Even sucks knowing that that would be no sleepover this time around on that school holiday, which we doesnt even have any school holidays anymore after this, except what they called that, ah, semester break.


What an adult word to use, semester break. Lol. But thats what we are going to be anytime soon right? Two or three years top from now? Adults. Oh my God, such a long way to go dont you think?

But here we are now: spm-burden-free bunch of people, I seriously sincerely didnt know that that is a possible thing hahahha. My imagination runs too wild sometimes. I seriously thought that Id never make it to sit for the spm examination. Heck even after Ive finished sitting for spm, I thought I wouldnt make it to take the result with you guys. Maybe I'm a pessimist, but I think in the end Im just being realistic. Who knows what couldve happened in the future dont u think?

Our friendship might end anytime soon, whose to say it wouldnt?
No one knows.

But of course, one could only hope for the better, with the guidance from Allah.

Sometimes I feel really ashamed talking about religion stuff, as if I'm that religious but it needed to be said, it needed to be hold on to, truthfully sometimes its the only thing that keeps me going. That makes me strong enough to survive another day. Allah.

Befriending me, I'm sure uguys know how ugly I can be at times, I'm glad Allah still let me keep u guys by my side, but yeah, I can be really really ugly, inside and out. But He will always be there, always be and has always been. Its just, we just need time to see that.

Im sure u guys agree that this past few weeks has been hard on all of us, in our own way. Sometimes we comfort each other in the midst of our own hardship, see how great that turns out? That is one of Allah's promise actually, we make other people happy and we will be happy too, in fact we might even be happier than we used to be.

I too dont have any wisdom words to share or great advice to give on how to deal with the hard stuff in your life right now, but I hope if any of you need a pair of ear and a set of eyes to hear and read your rants, I'm here. I might not be right on time, but Im still here. This is an offer that I hope you guys would take, for this offer has no expiration date.

Thanks guys, I love you. Ishtakhtu ilaiki.

-book

Decisions, decisions...

                               

Assalamualaikum, people.

 I really miss you guys. I miss us being together, being complete.

First and foremost, please agree with me that getting into college or university is really hard.

Thank you.

So I'm writing because I really feel like I'm stuck between choices. Even when it seems like there are only two options, that's not the reality of it. The reality is that one choice would lead to several other choices, and both of those options have this effect.

Too many things that I'm not fully mentally able to handle.

Each with their own pros and cons.

I just feel really stuck and basically I'm just vomiting out my rants all over this post, not that there are a lot cause I think I'm too mentally exhausted to even rant about anything.

I kenot lah.  I just kenot.

So the above schools are what I'm stuck between. It is expected of me too choose wisely. And quickly. (cry, wail, lament)

Whatever choice I make, I would have to deal with the consequences. 

Everything we do ada akibat, it's just life. I should really learn to differentiate between redha and giving up. I should really learn a lot of things. Things I'm afraid to learn, cause then I would be an adult, knowing all those things. 

The truth is that I am afraid.

The truth is that I am not ready.

The truth is that I am going to have to do it anyway.

                                                                                                                                            ~ crust

                                                                                                                 

Let's all walk forward and strive for a better future; both for this world and the here after.

Wake up every morning and thank God for letting you experience one more day in the gorgeous world He created.

Because You Matter

I am not certain where to start and how will this end but I will give my best.

Assalammualaikum lil boxes. I miss all of u so much and it feels different here without all the people I care and held dear in my petite heart. It seems that Aida have reached the limit of her sanity in the absence of her mobile phone while I was not here. xD regardless i still love ya.

So, u seemed eager to hear how I have been doing these few weeks. Well, the weather is the same as Malaysia....

...

That was an unfinished draft I had written a few weeks ago. Why had I only ended there? Why didn't I post it? Well, partly because I don't know what to write and I felt as if it was not entirely from my heart. I was not ready yet at the moment i guess.

I'm writing here today cause I finally have a day that I decided to be a completely couch potato. Nesting more fat in my stomach and leaving an aggregate load of homework on my table to collect dust. I'm in the living room now, sitting on a chair, typing while hugging my left leg close, eating nutella from a knife (table knife ofc) and listening to my Michael Buble track.

Are you here with me yet?

I'm feeling very content at this moment of time. There are ,of course, a considerable amount of obstacle that should hinder me from feeling happy and content but I had decided to not let those feeling narrow my vision from seeing the bigger picture where it shows that there are actually good things that happen to me and I'm grateful that those things are in my life as well.

 Missing my friends, my family and the environment I was in while in Malaysia. Feeling like a total gijin at time and just so empty. I fail and I fall but I just have to talk to myself, encourage myself that everything is okay, there have got to be something better around that boulder that's stopping you. You have got to stand up. Patience is the key.

So, it's okay to cry; to throw a tantrum like a 5 year old cause let's just face it. We are not strong. However, just as Kelly Clarkson had said before in her song, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We can't wait, sometimes, for a hand to reach out to us in order to get back on your feet. We, ourselves, have to bush off those little dust of misery and pat our selves while saying you are going to be fine.

Nevertheless, we are humans. Know that there are people who love you for you and don't be afraid to lean onto their shoulder. Keeping it to yourself will destroy you from the inside; spreading like a virus from your mental state to your physical state. Pick up that mobile phone or go knock on that someone's door and cry. Break down and bawl your heart out. I'm sorry cause I can't be there for you guys but know that I support you MKKs, Otromeru, Dynamic Girls (hopefully you guys have't forgotten this) and last but surely not least my betistil selfie partner. My soul is there with you. Catching your every tear you shed. Love you people okay and I believe that you guys will find a way to walk around every boulder that's in your way. 

Please don't think that you will disturb me if you call and please, please, please don't think that the feeling that's causing you misery should be nothing compared to what others are feeling cause your feeling matters and if that's how your feeling, I'm always here to hear you out. So, please don't hide and runway. I'm here.

xoxo, 
Cookie

Grief-week? Or month? Can I join?

Hi assalamualaikum. Its me, Book again. Haha, again.


So em the moment I clicked at the posts button, I saw quite a number of interesting drafts, which I kinda know whom it is from, Cookie you're the culprit is it hahahaha



Ladies, SPM's result has alr been announced. For me, the high lasted only for what em three hours? After that all I could do is cry and mourning for you girls. Crust and Booty, I really hope you know that I was in fact preparing to cheer for you girls, it never crossed my mind that my name would be announced instead. I can never know how crushed you are right now, even if your mouth and fingers keep denying it, but please know that I'm here, shoulders and ears ready for your rants or tears.

Please dont push me away, what good is my result if my loved ones are not even there to celebrate it with me..

I am well aware that each of your world does not revolved around me but I am as your best friend demand to know whats happening to you girls. Please talk to me.

It seems that I've prepared myself for the expected event; the event that seemed likely to happen, but not for this one. Not for this kind. So please I'm begging you, please talk to me.

Love, Book.

SO I WAS LOGGED IN AND THIS HAPPENED OMG THIS IS SO FUNNY AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Cookie I shouldve just clicked "NO, SECURE ACCOUNT" HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA

Bcs I'm Wreck-It-Book.

Assalamualaikum!!!

Words cant describe how much I missed you guys!!! Rindu nak chat kat whatsapp, rindu nak chat kat whatsapp, rindu nak hantar audio kat whatsapp, rindu nak hantar audio kat whatsapp, rindu nak randomly call korg, rindu nak randomly call korang

k mmg saja je type semua dua kali muahahahahahhaa.



ALA TAKDE IDEA NAK TULIS APA SEBENARNYA TAPI SINCE KORANG PUN TAK POST APA APA SO

Booty pun post sekali je pastu dahhhhhh???? Macamtu je???? Psh.

Hahahahahahaha I nag a lot kann (dah boleh bayangkan dah Crust like "MEMANG" lpastu eye rolls dia hahahahahaha) ala tp tu jugakla korg rindu nanti en huhuhuhuhu


Cookie how r u gurl?? R u surviving well dear? R u breathing? Kat sana musim apa? Duit ok? Banyak tak? LOL I mean yeah OH I HEARD U HAD A DINNER WITH UR PROFESSOR so Im gonna be honest and tell u what came to my mind when Booty told me that

"Cookie ni pandai gila ke? Eja pun salah kadang kadang, biar betul minah ni o.O"

Hahahahahhahahaha sorry not sorry???? I was being honesttttt hahahahahaha well I am too nowww soooo muuahh muahhh hahahahahahhahahahaa but sriously babe what was the dinner about? Please fill us in! Preferably here, but only bila kau dah settle smua benda eh, things mustve been hard for you there, looking at the bright sight, the starting line has always make everything seems hard so be strong k! Stay strong!! We're all rooting for u here! Go kick some kangaroo's butt!!! Not literally la dey bcs em koala is cute?

My social skill dah tahapa apa since hp rosak ni hm (excuse level 292820) hahahahahaha

Crust and Bootyyyyyyyy rindu korg sangat sangat. We should buy a house together so whenever nak buat sleepover tidur kat situ je. LOL. Anyway kalau korg nak sleepover kat rumah Book (throwing an evil smirk at Cookie) update me k?? Preferably bfore result keluar!

Auwh Cookie we still love you, I'll make sure we send some pictures to you through whatsapp later k :*

So em thats it. Total random from me. Random shwandom kingdom. Blablablabla.

This is Aida, and you're reading the Book-Hot-Gossips.
Muah XxXxoOooXx