Fields of Gold. By Sting.

Last November I stayed at a hotel. That one night, around midnight, someone was singing live and his voice echoed throughout the entire building. The atmosphere was mesmerizing and I didn't know who he was nor what song he was singing, all I managed to do was record a short clip of him singing. I never did find out who he was, though I had my suspicion that it was that tall, demure man with wrinkles on his face and wisdom in his eyes I saw in the lobby the following morning.

     The song, however. The song came on the radio a few nights ago. And I searched it up online and finally I got it. Something I've been searching for months and it came almost as a sort of unexpected comfort.

     Recently, I found myself in a state of confusion as well as false certainty. Whether or not I wanted something, genuinely, or for the sake of just wanting it because it seemed fitting that I do. Right in
the middle of my contemplation, it suddenly dropped on me, that I was a little too late. I have not made up my mind, but even if I have, it wouldn't have made any difference, because I couldn't have it any more even if I wanted to. And so despair dawned upon me, and I faced it every single day, pretending that it was all just fine, as cliche as that may sound.

     It was a painful surprise, knowing I have been denied before I could even make up a stand. I placed myself on the line, and for the very first time I laid it out on the table and confronted it. So it came as somewhat unexpected but then again, knowing myself, maybe I shouldn't have got my hopes up that high anyway.

     I decided to be cool about it though. And to not let it get in the way of more important things, things that I know have deeper value to me. So I swallowed my pride and pain and all the other things and I treated my days like I should. What came after that was something I did not expect to happen that quickly.

Comfort.

     An unexpected comfort. Knowing that I acknowledged what happened as just something that happened. Realizing that I am capable of moving past pain if I put my mind to it. Finding out that I can be okay even when it bothers me. All these years of practise finally done me good. At least something good came out of it.

     So I'll forget the sun in his jealous sky.
     As I lie in fields of gold.