I BROKE THE CURSE, MUHUHUHAHA
Alhamdulillah for 2016.
Okay so here's what happened.
I don't know if you know, but in all honesty, my seventeenth and eighteenth birthday were some of the worst days I've ever had.
That's two birthdays in a row. I remember those days vividly. My friends and you guys somewhat made my day but aside from having an emotional wreck and a mental breakdown, I mostly just sat there alone in a corner and feel bad. Just feeling really negative in general. And then there was the usual tension with my mother and everything and blah blah blah...
So this year for my nineteenth birthday, I didn't really expect anything aside from the usual birthday wishes. I really didn't wanna get my hopes up thinking ohhh maybe this year might turn out different. Different as in, MAYBE just maybe on my birthday this year I could actually get through the day without spiralling into another one of my "episodes" cause I haven't had those in a while. And I was really worried I might go back to that phase. Acting crazy and all. I don't really like my birthday.
Hence, the day before the big day, I mentally prepared myself to switch off. I told myself to just switch everything off, and don't feel anything, don't react to anything, don't do anything, don't say anything. This way, when something bad happens, I can just get through it with ease and a stone cold expression on my face. This would allow me to regain positivity much easier. It's easier to go from neutral to gear 5 then to be in gear 2 in the first place. (i have no idea what i'm talking about but i think u get it)
And then I woke up the next morning and it was my birthday. Okay... be cool. Don't ruin the neutral mode, just keep everything in check. So i got up extra early to make sure I could help out my mom as much as I could (it was a school day, my mom is almost always in a bad mood on school days). So I helped out here and there, and i never said anything and i never even looked at her in the eye. The best way to not mess with her mood is by keeping my presence as low-key as possible.
CHECK. I got through the wee hours of the morning safely. Nothing ruined. By dawn, I noticed gifts on my desk and a little bday card, and she said happy birthday. And I just smiled and said a simple thank you. My guards were still up. That's a good thing. Always, I repeat ALWAYS be safe than sorry. I watched my every move and every word, DON'T SAY OR DO ANYTHING or I might ruin her mood. And then after that things went okay and I went to school. I got wishes from my sis and my dad on the way.
I got to KFC to meet dibo as usual, and the first thing she did was smile at me and that was when i put my guards down. Yeayy, now I can just relax and reply at the wishes that were to come. Dibo said happy birthday and left a message on whatsapp and I replied thank you, and I was glad to finally chill. And I was already satisfied, I was thinking.... "YES, alhamdulillah, today was a good birthday, I got through okay, I'm happy with it". So I went to class feeling okay. And I didn't expect my birthday to get any better.
But it did.
I got to class and got wishes from some of my girl classmates (btw some of my classmates already wished me at midnight through class whatsapp group) and one girl even hugged me. I smiled and laughed and carried on. And school carried on and most of them already wished me. Some guys repeatedly wished me just to annoy me. And then I unexpectedly got gifts! I didn't expect to get any gifts at all, and they gave me gifts! And what's funny is every gift I got was in the form of a food item and they all came from my guy friends. And I was really surprised and I find it really funny. They gave me cookies and candy in toy tubes and mentos and pepero and all I did was laugh my head off. They treated me like a five-year old. My deskmate said they all gave me food cause i'm too skinny. That was really thoughtful of them.
And we laughed and joked together and before school ended the whole class sang me a birthday song and that was my nineteenth birthday.
And yes, one of you got the date wrong and one of you forgot, but it doesn't matter cause I know you guys care so nonetheless it was a terrific birthday. I'm just glad it wasn't a third chaos in a row. Three years in a row would've been really bad, haha. The thing that made me happy the most was how I was granted a lot more self control and I was really proud at how I handled things this time.
Alhamdulillah for everything :D
Forever older than you,
crust.
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