Tuesday, 24 September 2019

Here we are

HelloHello

It's been almost a decade since we all first met up. From when we were all thirteen (though one of us was probably 14 already at that time hu hu hu) and until now in our early twenties. How things have change since then and how different it is from what we envisioned. We are miles apart from each other, walking our own path and forming into our own person.

 It's September, it's past the mid-year point and a new year is approaching.

It's interesting on how different we are as an individual - to each our own strengths and shortcoming. We face our own realities where different environment raises different forms of hardship and joy. Waking up each day, conquering our own fears and lifting our own burdens.

We always worry about our actions and the impact it has. Weighing out our options and decisions, trying to figure out whether we made the right choice. I mean it makes sense right, as our actions not only define our character but subconsciously define our worth - to ourselves, to society and to our creator.

But our capabilities vary - one might be more able to give love and show compassion, one has a stronger will and perseverance and others might have more mercy and forgiveness. But even then, each of the factors varies in meaning and have different forms. So how can we determine what we are worth and whether or not our character is limited/inadequate? Did we make the right choice? Is it their fault, or is it mine?

Honestly, who knows. We're human after all. We make mistakes, we lack experience, we're oblivious at times and others just simply in denial and stubborn during other (least for me).

Seven. In terms of general characterisation, we can take the seven deadly sins and heavenly virtues as a basis of looking at a character of a person.

Seven Deadly Sins Seven Heavenly Virtues
Lust              Excessive sexual appetite Chastity              Purity
Gluttony      Over-indulgenceTemperance       Self-restraint
Greed           Avarice Charity              Giving
Sloth             Laziness/idleness Diligence            Zeal/integrity/labour
Wrath          Anger Forgiveness       Composure
Envy             Jealousy Kindness            Admiration
Pride            Vanity Humility            Humbleness

Where do we fall in the spectrum? Do we need to shift more towards the other side? do we only need to strive towards the end of the heavenly virtues? We, I believe, need to strive to have a little bit of both, some balance to our lives. Being too nice can come at a cost as well. It can intentionally or unintentionally make other act a certain way or even enable them to be bad. Simplest example is that you keep giving money for your friend, friend uses money to buy excessive amount of food, gambling too much or not encouraging them to perform as best they can. Being too humble can, at times, result to lack of acknowledgement in your own self-worth, people might take advantage of you and you could minimise the impact of receiving positive affirmation - the opportunity to feel a sense of belonging, rejecting someone's appreciation or even make the situation awkward.

I really like this video about the Cinderella effect where in this context people "blame the victim of emotional and physical abuse for being unable to escape [their] situation". People might overlook her strong characteristics of perseverance, patience as well as the ability and courage to act where appropriate. I like the video cause it highlights these 'passive' characteristics which at times goes unnoticed and underappreciated. Sometimes our environment requires a different kind of strength to withstand the condition we are face every day.


On a side note, for more religion related content, read the following crossed out sentences. I didn't want to make the post too religious. Hence why I decided to cross it out. The strands of thought came in predominantly when I thought about the concept of lust and chastity. Where... It's not only to serve God and it's not only to delve in earthly pleasures. 

Serve God and enjoy the things God creates, you know. Serving God does not only happen when you do your obligatory deeds and prayers. Smiling to others is serving God, listening to others' misgivings is servings, appreciating his creations is serving, being patient is serving and payer well, it happens when u pray; when u communicate with God. 

One thing that I appreciate growing up watching Madeline (and generally other Christian entertainment) is when they pray before eating. To give a small thanks for what that have. It's very simple and in actuality, we can do it whenever. As simple as saying Alhamdulillah but also more specific. Like what are you thankful for? At least for me, when I determine what is it that I am thankful for, I am more thankful, I feel more blessed. There is just a feeling I can't translate into words. Yes, at times I don't know what I'm thankful for and that's okay. Be thankful you are there, be thankful to feel thankful. Some people are in such a rut that they don't have the opportunity to feel thankful. Sudden jump back to balance in 3, 2, 1 ...

So yeah being balance is where we should be at. Buddhism/Hinduism talks about chakras. I like the concept and ideas behind it very much - based to my understanding that is. I like the concept of facing the things you don't want to face and also the concept of learning to let go and acceptance. It may also give us a first few steps on how to go forward/come closer to attributes we want to achieve. This video of Avatar can give you a snapshot of what's happening.


Chakras deals withBlocked/hindered by
 Security, survival   Fear
 Pleasure, intimacy, relationship  Guilt
 Willpower, drive, purpose, wisdom  Shame, letdowns, disappointment
 Love, connection, compassion, healing  Grief, sadness, loss
 Truth, openness, communication  Lies, denials, lies
 Insight, intuition, awareness Illusion
 Spirituality Earthly attachment

Human is really complex being. We are all different and we are all giving our best. we make mistakes, yes, but it only makes us wiser if we use the experience and knowledge we receive from it wisely. I love that we are all different, because in a way, maybe we can all lean on each other, learn from each other. Difference can be hard to overcome but being different can make us way stronger, especially when we have overcome our differences and learn to accept and understand each other.

Just as I did with the post here, and just as General Iroh from Avatar said, "It is important to draw wisdom from different places. If you take it from only one place it becomes rigid and stale." And "while it's best to believe in one's self, a little help from others can be a great blessing. There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you." "The horizon may look far but keep an open mind and an open heart, you will find your destiny someday when the time is right."

/////////Bonus songggg ////////////


I don't know whether this is what I intended for this post, and whether it even had any intention from the beginning. But this is what I have for you all and this is very roughly what was on my mind around August (yes it's been that long I know, love you guys, thanks for your patience). Posted it late cause it was quite hard to translate what I had in my mind and what I felt in my heart but this is what I've got so far and I think I have delayed this post well over past it's due. It's time.

Cookie

Wednesday, 7 August 2019

James TW: When You Love Someone

Come home early after class
Don't be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard
I've been called up by a teacher
She says she can't even reach you 'cause you're so far
You've been talking with your fist
We didn't raise you up like this, now did we
There have been changes in this house
Things that you don't know about in this family
It don't make sense, but nevertheless
You gotta believe us, it's all for the best
It don't make sense
The way things go
Son you should know
Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes two homes are better than one
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
There ain't no one here to blame
Nothing's going to change with your old friends
Your room will stay the same
'Cause you'll only be away on the weekends
It don't make sense but nevertheless
You gotta believe us, it's all for the best
It don't make sense
It don't add up
We'll always love you no matter what
Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes two homes are better than one
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
When you love someone
Come home early after class
Don't be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard
And if we're crying on the couch
Don't let it freak you out
This has been so hard
Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes the best intentions just ain't enough
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
When you love someone
When you love someone
When you love someone

Saturday, 21 October 2017

jumbles and shambles

There are so many things I want to say. To share. To voice out.
But it's all stuck at my throat.

There are so many things I see, I experience.
I'd leap to my feet, grabbed my phone but as I type,
I stopped.

I'm not sure how you would react.
How I should react after.
So many possibilities, so many outcome.

But the worst case stuck with us
and I pressed delete.

I say I trust you but why can't I press send?

You are whom I trust most
but you are also the person that cares about me most.

The possibility of losing a place where where I could run to,
terrifies me.
But then why am I the one running away?

Layer by layer,
I wrap myself with bubble wrap
to protect me yet at the same time,
I'm suffocating myself

I was walking one day
and when I finally stopped and look around,
and would I ask myself,
Where am I? How did I get here?
but the only answer I heard
was just the echoes in my head.

cookie

Friday, 13 January 2017

Something over and beyond

How willing are you to hand another person something you regard as important?
How much trust does one need to be able to hold such things?

Buried behind layers of broken pieces, trying to protect what's left
Something so fragile that one might assume that, just by touching, it could possibly break it

cookie

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Sixx:A.M. Life is beautiful

There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home...

You can't quit until you try
You can't live until you die
You can't learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can't breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you're the joke
There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don't
I've done things that you won't 
There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Alive...
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

When you lost it all, that's when u finally realise: that life... is beautiful

Through the lowest part of my life, this song had motivate me to drag myself to keep going forward. I don't know how much it could help you guys but I just thought of sharing it with you. Even now, when I feel like I really can't go on anymore, I listen to this song. Seems taboo, I know, but it works for me. Didn't mean to offend anyone.

Through the rough times, remember that Allah will never give His servant something he cannot bear. If He believes that you could get through this, have a little faith and trust yourself to keep moving forward. He is fair. Remember to be grateful, remember to be compassionate, remember to be patient. Good will come to those who wait (teehee Tangled ref. which btw was quoted from Violet Fane, 1892).

The most important thing to remember is that, in hardships, there is no one in this whole universe that could change the circumstance except you, yourself. People around you could only guide, lead and support but the changes; reaching out, crawling/running to the better place, understanding yourself, forgiving yourself, letting yourself to heal, these things you have to do it. I won't lie. While your trying to fix your self, there are people who will beat your already broken self down.There will be times where when you need people the most but they weren't there. It's okay. That's life. Don't give up on them, they might be the only one that stays. You will get scratched and bruised but at the end, after all the suffocation, you will finally be able to breath a new life. It's won't be dark there anymore. It won't be cold. Although, like everything else in life, this process will have a side effect. You will be left with scars and wounds that would never truly be gone. Your mind thinks in different ways. You learn to control yourself but you also lose some of yourself. You are no longer the broken one, you are a survivor.

Remember the pain that you've gone through and be kind, be loving; because we never know what sort of life the person walking pass by you had been through.

Cookie

Sunday, 20 November 2016

These are some of my thoughts..

Image result for tumblr thoughts drawing

1. What am I trying to say here?

2. I could be dead right now.

3. Are you guys okay?

4. I should be studying.

5. I don't think we could survive in the real world.

6. I regret so much.

7. I figured out my favorite color after 19 years of living.

8. People around me are growing up in all the wrong ways.

9. Do I really want it back?

10. I won't always be lonely, but I will always be alone. 

11. I won't always be alone, but I will always be lonely.

12. I have so much love to give.

13. Don't.

14. Nobody will know what really happened.

15. I wonder how old that photo is.

16. I just bought a skateboard.

17. I can never go back to being normal.

18. I am no less than evil.

19. I crave salvation but I refuse to take it, every single time.

20. I bathe myself in lust to keep myself from grabbing the knife.

21. I can't love.

22. I have kittens running around outside my house.

23. I need to fix my posture.

24. How many more years?

25. They still haven't realized how messed up things are.

26. Non of my friends know how serious things are.

27. No fear of death will be the death of me.

28. I don't look at the sky that much anymore even though I want to.

29. My sister gave me a giraffe key chain.

30. Tears are a luxury.

31. I am always waiting for things to fall apart. 

32. My teeth.

33. I want money.

34. I'm more free.

35. I'm more materialistic.

36. Will my past effort help me when I need it?

37. I'm counting down the days to say bye.

38. Those important to me will never know the true extent of my love for them.

39. I want to pierce my cartilage.

40. I'm wasting my days.

41. I'm sad that nobody will know what I actually am.

42. The twins make me happy.

43. How can I travel further?

44. I will burn in hell.

45. I am afraid.

46. Blackbear is really good.

47. People will die and I will regret everything.

48. Forever goes a long way.

49. Fuck.

50. I don't know who I am anymore.

51. I am completely happy :)